Its all about money, honey

"Why is India able to survive the recession? Because most of the economy runs on black money."

"The Sales Tax officials always tell us that if everyone starts paying taxes, the Government will not know what to do with all the money. So they say give the money to us instead." 

Pearls of wisdom from a 22-year old granite quarry owner I met yesterday on the train. True, he was managing his family business, but he clearly knew the ropes. I was literally hanging on to his every word while he described what its like to start and run a business in India.

"I paid a bribe of five lac rupees to the Karnataka Industrial Area Development Board to start my business in Mysore" he says matter-of-factly.

Wow, that is a lot of money, I mused...

"Well, its not all that much", he shrugs. "My uncle pays a bribe of one crore a year to the Congress Account. That way they keep the sales tax officials off his back"

Why not just pay the sales tax instead, I ask.

"No way !!! Its so much easier to just bribe people. My uncle mines in an area called Thanti in MP. Actually, mining there is illegal and it is full of Naxals. We bribe the Congress to escape tax, get police protection, keep us off the firing range, get our export licenses, a host of things. If anything goes wrong, all we need to do it make one phone call to them and remind them of our bribe".

Wow...grim scheme of things there. Why are you in Bangalore, I ask.

"I came to meet the Karnataka Land Revenue Department. They were asking me for a bribe of 50,000 rupees for one signature, but I paid only 7,000", he grins.

Good work, I say sarcastically.

"Oh come on, you live by the books. Look at you, you look as if you come from a very protected background. Have you ever seen a village?"

I decided to pass that question, theres no point, moreover I was eager to hear more.

"My turnover is around 3 crores a year, on paper I show only 1 crore. My land is worth 70 lacs today, but the records show 7 lacs".

Even better.

"Do you know, my friend arranged for special courtesies and special "private secretaries" for Lungi when he went abroad last month supposedly for a conference on the Economy?

Ok, I leave it to you to figure out who he meant.  I must say, I really was disappointed, because 'Lungi' was one gentleman I really looked up to and always thought he was too well-bred for such things :(

There was more, it wasnt over.

"You know, the Chinese dig our quarries because it is cheap raw material for them. To win our co-operation, they send only women laborers. It really makes things a lot more nicer for our laborers. That is their way of bribing us to get discounts".

Ok, Ive had enough, I tell him. He gives me his number since I mentioned we are building a house in Mysore.  

"I'll get you great discounts for your flooring.  In case I  cant recall when you call, just say that you are the girl who taught me what micro finance was", he laughs.

Whatever !!!

"You just cant get ahead in life without bribes. Take that from me".

FINE... As an acknowledgment of that, I save you as "Briber Abhishek" on my phone.

"Haha, you are very innocent. You may be the only exception to my rule".

Pray, what rule is that?

"Aadmi jitna sherif dhiktha hai, uthna badmaash hota hai...aur jitna badmaash diktha hai, uthna hi sherif hota hai".

Thanks for the heads up... Good night!!!