OBROUNI !!! - Wherever I go in Ghana, thats how people call me and how
they refer to me. It means “White Woman”. I’m not white by any standards, brown
maybe, but that doesnt matter because according to the people here - If you are
not black, you are white.
Oddly enough, I feel discriminated against because of my
fairer color. What disturbs me most is that every single person uses the
phrase, even small children, without exception.
I sometimes wonder, in a world that tends to discriminate against
people because of their darker skin, aren’t Ghanaians reinforcing it against
themselves? Why would they do that?
My boss put this rosy spin on it by saying that they call me
“Obrouni” not in a disrespectful way, but in a friendly way. Its true actually!
People tend to treat you better because you are “Obrouni”.
But I still feel discriminated against! Why? Because they
are setting me apart from them (No, DONT tell me that I AM different from them).
Because at the end of the day, calling someone by their
color is racist!
So its been more than a year since I last posted! I usually post only when I have something to say. The past year has been very eventful with a lot of changes. Among the HUGE changes are:
1. I quit my job, the job I simply LOVED :(
2. I got MARRIED :)
3. I moved to Ghana
4. I FINALLY have dogs - Yes, 2 lovely dogs called Bruno & Cherry!
While writing this post, I felt like pouring out everything on my mind and all the things Ive been thinking over this year, but fortunately decided against it. Nope, they'll be told in separate well-put-together posts and not a jumble of confused emotions! :)
Its been a while since I posted here, partly cos I didnt have Internet access and partly cos I didnt have anything to say. But quite a lot happened over the last one month.
Did I tell you I lost my money again, that too twice? But its ok, this time I lost only 32,000. Ive honestly stopped counting, theres no point...people say I'm just going through a bad phase or something like that but it doesnt help since I dont really believe in such stuff...
I was actually saving up to go to Egypt this year, but clearly that aint going to happen. So I went to Kathmandu instead, with 4 other friends. It was a really good trip but with a horrible, horrible ending. I cant even bring myself to think about it, let alone write about it! Still, it was a good get-away and I needed the break.
If theres anything I would like to remember the trip by, it was the food with a capital F. Perhaps its because I usually get to eat only garbage on all my field trips or whatever, but we really gorged on every meal and I woke up each day looking forward to it :) Cheesecakes, falafel, muffins, the classic pizzas - those yummy thin -crusted ones on wood-fired ovens, the hot baked-potatoes, the pancakes, the awesome Nepali teas (and of course,the coffee), the pumpkin soups, the tomato & basil salads, mushrooms of unimaginable variety, the driest martinis, the coldest but lightest beers, the deliciously but subtly flavored cigars - it was like a dream I tell you!
We were there only for a little more than 2 days but we got a lot done...and oh, we all got tattoos :)) It was on an impulse, but I am so glad I did! I didnt know what to get actually and the butterfly I had designed turned out to be too intricate. So I got my own version of the peacock feather with all the colors...I'll update this post with all the pictures once I get decent Internet. A word of caution on tattoos though - for Pete's sake, insist on new needles or better still, take your own needles.
We went to see the Pasupathinath temple (simply bcos it wouldve been a shame if we went all the way and didnt see it) but honestly, it gave me the creeps. We also went to Tribhuvan Bhavan - the palace of the King who had been recently de-throned...and we saw all the bullet marks where the Queen was shot at, it was really sad ..and of course, we went to Durbar Square, Freak Street and Thamel....We were lucky to be there during the Teej Festival...the whole place was painted in red...it was all lovely to watch but unbelievably crowded..The night-life in Kathmandu totally rocks too...every night we went out for drinks and listened to the all the bands there were...the music was a bit high-school but good nonetheless..and to be honest, it really made me miss being in love :(
I also wanted to try bungee jumping, but I didnt because of something my colleague told me...he actually said...You are a very anxious person, so I wouldnt want you to look down and get a heart attack! Enough to put anyone off no??? Ordinarily, I wouldve tried atleast the mountain flight, but I didnt have money, remember???
Oh and about the shopping, I had to take it easy bcos of my shoestring budget but at the same time, bring back gifts for lots of people, thats a tough balance to keep actually...I managed to buy quite a few things - a really beautiful old lamp that falls in lotus petals when unwound, a really heavy vintage lock (for my dad, ok? he loved it by the way), replicas of manuscripts, some from the monastery, Tibetan flags, a colorful mask- set of the traditional 13 Nepali Gods, T-shirts with trails of every Himalayan trek I intend on doing, lots of souvenirs with the famous Kathmandu eyes, boxes and boxes of After Eight mints (I cant believe they cost only 160 Nepali rupees) and lots different of flavors of tea..
Anyways, now I'm back in office and back to work...Thomaz is leaving to the US for 3 weeks so I'll have the house to myself...a month of work and nothing but fieldwork stretches ahead, thats pretty much it ...life is simple these days actually...
Last night, my colleague and I were on an overnight bus. He is a Brazilian-French guy who knows everything about everything...I always feel like a dunce when he talks, but thats a different issue...
When I say dunce, I really mean dunce because I decided to talk about Greek mythology..well, Greek philosophy actually, but we got nowhere with that.....
He: So you're interested in Greek Mythology?
Me: Well, I was when I was around 10 years old, I couldnt get enough of it back then...
He: Wow, thats more than what most 10 year-olds do...so what do you know about it?
Me: Well, at the top of my head, theres Achilles, Agmemon and Odessyus...
He: You mean Agamemnon?
Me: Yes, thats right...
He: So what about him?
Me: He fought a war, with Paris I think..
He: And who is Paris?
Me: Paris from the judgment of Paris..he was the baby found on a hill by his parents..right?
He: Thats insane, I think you're getting confused with Hindu mythology...
Me: A bit unlikely, since I dont know Hindu mythology....anyways, I know that there were 3 goddesses...
He: There are around 5000 goddesses...
Me: No, three main goddesses that bid for the golden apple and aphrodyte got it since she promised the most beautiful woman on Earth as the guy's wife..
He: Which guy's wife?
Me: The guy who had the golden apple...
He: Not quite..
Me: Well, thats what I have read...
He: Have you even seen the movie Troy?
Me: No but I know Icarus who lost his wings and Achilles with his weak left heel and about the Trojan horse...
He: Thats just random info..
Me: Well, thats what I remember from the book I read..
He: And which book is this?
Me: I dont remember...
He: Nice...what else do you know?
Me: Umm...Menalus and pinelope, penelope?
He:You mean Me-ne-lau?
Me: Yes, and wasnt Penelope Odessyus' wife?
He: And who is Odessyus?
Me: Not sure but I know he traveled a lot...and that he had a lot of interesting but weird adventures on his travel and that the Trojan horse was his brainchild...
He: and??
Me: And I know Apollo is the sun-god..
He: So you just picked up bits and pieces..
Me: Thats more than what an average Indian knows about Greek Mythology...
Ever been in a really great bookstore and didnt have the faintest idea what you want? That doesnt happen to me a lot...because usually I am in one phase or the other and know what I am looking for...
But today was weird...something like...
Science...not now!
Classics....ruled out by definition...
Fiction....whats the point???
Non-fiction....I dont care to know..
Philo...belch....
History...yawn!
Self-help...Like you would know!
Humor... not funny anymore...
Romance...oh puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!
:) Its still good...and I suggest you never forget to love it...like the smell of the first rain, the taste of freshly brewed coffee, the wind through your hair or the feel of the waves at your feet...the few things that always make you happy...
I dont like being grown up :(
And I havent done it graciously either :(
(P.S: And in a Oh WTH! moment add Good to Go, Organic Audio to that list)
I am going to sound a bit high-schooling but nevertheless, its worth writing about ...So, yes! There are few things as fulfilling as going for a run...and whats more is that its an exhilarating feeling when you sprint past certain people :) Dont judge me, going for a run in Madurai is not easy, and the Brazilian roommate doesn't help, sweet as he is...
Anyways, whats really great is that Ive realised I have a running routine...it starts with In your eyes, followed by Jame Raho (I dont know, it feels just GREAT), Insatiable and Learning to fly (which is when you actually feel your feet leave the ground), I'm a bitch, Here I am and then then a supreme finish with the magical chords of High Hopes.
I have a curious problem with this blog - I am unable to write happy posts anymore...And Ive gotten my cheap thrills although I wish I hadnt...But seriously..when I come here, all the glowing drafts in my head turn blurry and gradually disappear like fog from glass...I cant write about my work..or my friends...or my feelings...anymore!! What I can write about is the new things I did...Its like a conditioned response..
I cant believe I have anger management issues. Worse, I am having difficulty expressing my anger. Worst, its anger about things that happened in the past. I dont know what brought it on suddenly but I remembered certain incidents and the people who expected me to take pain they themselves wouldn't want to even begin to experience...that they tried to make me believe I am a bad person for reacting to something they caused because they were scared to do the right thing....that they conveniently overlooked what brought it on and chose to judge only my reaction.....That they brushed it off saying that it is something I should face anyway and blamed me for being so sensitive.... Sensitive, my ass! Its good for them that they are in my past, since I am getting over the difficulty in expressing anger bit real fast...
Its just a phase....(breathe)...its just a phase.... and I really should stop taking it out on friends who have always been there for me....if you are reading this, I really apologize for yesterday!
Ok, technically I should be working now…But I missed my blog so I came here to say hi…Its been a very hectic week and I am on a new project at work which has LOADS of fieldwork :)…and am tremendously excited.
But you know, I realized that this blog is dangerously close to becoming a journal, which is not what it was meant to be – I have to change it anyway..I need a new template and a new profile pic, and of course, a new URL. I cant show my face anywhere with this one :)
Oh and I met a fellow-blogger on Saturday in Pune, I would love to give a blow-by-blow account of our coffee, but hes sure to read this, so I refrain :) Needless to say, he was really sweet and easy to talk to..and we didn’t notice the time fly, which in my opinion is a good indication of whether you had a nice time. I was at Pune for a conference, but the best part was the special dinner night where they had a DJ and a dance floor…its been sooooo long…I was dressed to the hilt…and me & my colleagues danced our heels off to Bollywood numbers (which I would be otherwise ashamed to listen to), albeit with men twice our age…I think that’s a rule of the land anyway…I got drunk too, just the right amount…not too much to make a fool of myself…but not too little to care about others…oh, it was so awesome I tell you :) I really needed the break…
Now I am back in my Chennai office just for the day for a meeting…it feels so strange to be here after almost a year. Nothing has changed at all…but I guess I am nostalgic to a fault. And sometimes I do things just out of sheer bloody- mindedness. That’s not a good combination now is it?? This might sound a tad silly but today I am very happy because a friend gave me flowers…ok, not flowers, a flower nonetheless… But how does it matter when you are so happy? :)
Oh and I almost forgot to tell you the moral victory I won yesterday…a friend of mine and I went for dinner to Residency Towers yesterday and we chose a terrace seating on the 20th floor with a view of the entire city…I cant tell you how breathtakingly beautiful it was, live band and all…and of course, we had just got off the train from Bangalore and were therefore looking a little worse for wear…ok, actually like something the cat brought in…and the maitre d' evidently thought we didnt belong there and she was like the minimum billing in this place is 500 rupees, is that ok with you?? My friend was aghast and thought of leaving, but then there was NO way I was leaving, it was too perfect to give up, music, breeze and all…so I did the next best thing… I completely lost it and gave her a piece of my mind and totally wiped the floor with her and her stuck-up manager…I cant tell you how happy that made me feel…huh, I sound so juvenile, even to myself…but I don’t care :)
Anyhow, that dispensed with, the weeks ahead promise lots of traveling – to MP and Gujarat…I cant wait to go back to Gujarat :) I may even go to Thanjavur again :) And in celebration of going back to the fields, Ive decided to get my nose pierced…with a subtle sliver ring…It’ll go down really well in the village and it looks really good with colored Kajal…whats life without colors?? I really love this phase when you get happy for no reason…Isnt it great??.I recommend it thoroughly :)
Ive also a lot of opinions too lately…that’s new for me, because usually I maintain that I am not qualified enough to comment on anything and dont really venture an opinion (except on this blog :P)…its too tedious to write all Ive been thinking lately but one of the uppermost thoughts that has been on my mind after seeing all these villages is that home-makers..or housewives or whatever…should be paid a salary for their work..cos they are the only people who slog for a lifetime and get paid absolutely nothing…and all their work earns them no financial independence…just cos we don’t put a value on their work…If you had to pay someone to do all they do, and that too, unconditionally…without raises or timings or cribbing or any of those hassles…??? Wow, how much would the GDP of our country be?? Or any country??? Just calculate and see it’s a lot… Seriously, housework is the only work that doesn’t get paid …and then the tag of doing nothing….what a raw deal… Yes, if you come back saying I am trying to “put a price on love” and stuff like that, it wont be well-received…umm, on second thoughts, say what you must, I don’t really care :)
Because me so happyyyyy :) So that’s it for now…am getting back to work..nice talking to you :)
Sometimes you feel there like you can never be happy the way you were...it happens...though I am not sure if to everyone...and the small hopes that surface once in a while get squashed quickly....I really dont know how to combat this...because even while doing the happiest of things, there is this cloud of sadness...
The only thing I can think of is to not let it stop you from doing the things you love...the small things that once gave you joy...even if they dont anymore, and hope for the best....
Ive been living this thought all week and I went ahead and did these things in spite of how I felt...
* I had ragi and sugarcane juice from a mobile food van for fifteen rupees..
* I made maggi with cheese and ate it over coffee and stories with my favorite aunt...
* Bought myself a whole lot of colored glass bangles from a pushcart vendor.
* Laughed to Calvin & Hobbes with a friend, eating mangoes with salt.
* Played cricket with kids on the road..
* Went for lovely Italian dinner with three of my friends and had loadsa cheese and wine and took lots of pics..
* Ate oranges in the sun while watching the traffic from the terrace, all by myself....
I decided to shake off all that despondency....literally. You see, I was supposed to go to away this weekend, but had to stay back cos of that dammed lawyer thingy, and the whole thing was just beginning to get to me....And when in doubt of any sort, go book shopping...remember these words always..they are very wise :)
I decided to get a sandwich from Subway first, its one of the things that always cheers me up. Unfortunately, Transit is always packed with couples, who've begun to sort of irritate me lately... I mean, I hope I never look like that to anyone..either they're giggly and all over each other or they're depressed and the girl is crying. And you can always tell if they are married, in which case they usually look bored out of their wits...
Anyways, couples I can take but Bryan Adams I cannot...And he seems to be following me everywhere these days determined to talk of his "love"....will someone please tell him its not kind??
So I gave up on Subway and decided to to go to Landmark. I defiantly pushed past the the Lost Symbol, determined to find something I can actually relate to. Now, it could be me, I could be totally out of it but ..Death by Chick Lit, J-Pod, Six steps to Superwoman....what are people thinking???
Nah...its definitely not me....
I picked up some good stuff....Song Man (a sequel to the Guitar Man), At Large and at Small and I see you everywhere (am too lazy to add links, sorry)....and while waiting in the queue for the billing, I picked up the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, a book I always wanted to read...
"That book is different. I can tell you that much"....said a pleasant voice belonging to a cheery American standing behind me..we'll call him CA for short ok. CA and I got talking about books; we talked a lot because it was a very loooong queue...the conversation was pretty nice, and somehow, Americans Ive met always have had a very good sense of humor, the kind that makes you feel warm....CA's daughter was there too, a little girl, mustve been 7 or 8, and very sweet people they were..... I think I laughed more in those 10 mins than all of the last month's days put together....
So I bounded back into Subway after that, cheerful and feeling like I earned my sandwich, confident that even Bryan Adams cant chase me away this time...and as luck wouldve had it, CA and kid were there too, and we shared a table....They're here in India for a short while, and the kid took it upon herself to tell me all about her school and family and friends...its been a while Ive listened to a kid talk......and CA told me about all the places he's traveled to and all that he intends to do....
"Nothing like an unplanned trip with just a backpack"...yes sir, we fully agree...
Speaking of which, I'm getting a bit restless here in India...I suddenly feel like going to Rome :(
"Taking trips alone can do wonders for you...whatever you do, dont go in a big group" ...Seconded again, Captain...
"Of course, nothing beats going with a fun partner"....Aye, theres the rub :)
My friend suggested I blog about my blog....Not a bad idea :)
I love this blog, I really do. I spend a lot of time on it, no with it, everyday. I love tweaking colors and changing the pictures and labels. I love the labels - I love the tacky ones like Mindsweeper or Soulkeeper, I love the regular ones like The Bookshelf, I love the obscure ones which only I understand like TheSilhouette, I love the depressing ones like the Black Rainbow...oh, please dont bother to follow the labels, I change them every now and then :)...Except for the Special Someone, all else is likely to change.
Ive learnt a fair lot after I began writing on this blog. I made loadsa blogger friends, and met quite a few like-minded people :) Hey, I even learnt how to fix bugs in XML...cos for all the hype about the flagship Professional Template that this is, with its impressive configurable columns, it has more bugs in it than the number of Chinamen in China. Previously, the comments used to show up haphazardly after a post and I used to to cringe. But atleast Ive succeed in removing those ugly gray boxes that mask people's names...and the ridiculously-placed timestamp. It really took some doing to fix all that !! I guess you probably dunno what me talking about but it suffices to say that the powers of concentration required to understand the circuitous and elaborate template code is enough to move a mountain :)
And oh, tell me you like the new collage pic? I spent ages over it, finding the pieces I like, pieces than mean something to me....Its still not as perfect as I would like it to be, but I am getting there.
If you own a blog, you have to own the whole thing. Many times I wonder if it is a good investment of time to find the perfect color for your post title. I used to comb the Internet to search for that elusive bright-but-not-bloodshot matted red...Often I wondered what difference it made to anyone who reads this blog whether the line after the post title is black or orange. These details were maddening I tell you. But this the price you have to pay if you want your own customized template and are picky about colors. I really wanted a bright-but-not-gawdy page, one that makes me happy whenever I look at it, so I had to put my nose to the grindstone and search for apt shades and tediously work out the details. I dont think it is even noticeable that the comments tab is purple, and the commas between labels are red (this is my chance to point it out)... :P
But it is really worth the effort, because whenever I look at it, I really feel happy, like coming home to your room which is all yours and is set-up the way you like it...
I think my blog is very primitive when I see professional bloggers though..Their blogs are really functional. But somehow most of the gadgets dont work for me. For instance, I cant stand the extremely popular LinkWithinwidget, which I think is really effective in disrupting the natural course readers would otherwise follow..Or the LibraryThing... I really dislike it, I would much rather manually choose my books and add links to them. Even the Snapshots, I had to micromanage it and limit it only to explicitly cited links - I hate it when they run amok on your post...I dont want anything that thinks on its own, atleast on my blog...If I were to choose my gadgets, I would create a virtual galaxy or something like that. And I would never EVER "monetize" the blog. I dont understand people who do that. And I know I should really remove those random pictures and links in the sidebar, but they remind me of my enthu when I first started posting :)
Coming to the most difficult part, the actual posts, well first of all, I was an idiot to start posting under my name. That most of my family has my blog is also really limiting. But I am getting better at shedding apprehensions. And I cant imagine what I was thinking when I chose the URL - allthatcanbe??? Duh, how lame was I ??? :)
My posts are mostly for me...I dont expect many people to relate to them. Thats why it majorly pisses me off if people tell me not to think so much or make totally tangential comments. Ironically, these are the same people who dont realise that when someone writes something, they are putting themselves out there. It took quite a lot for me to talk about the Special Someone. At times like these, I feel I too should adopt a pseudonym like Raindrop or Moonlight or whatever and maintain total anonymity, and give the URL to only friends, where I could let my tongue wag without a leash. Bloggers are anonymous, for the most part.
Lots of people say I talk utter rubbish anyway, but thats ok. :) And for the five odd readers who religiously read what I write, its really sweet of you :) I love it when you say you found my post interesting :) I really do...
But having said all this, I think blogging is just a phase, atleast for me. And I know I am soon going to outgrow it. ...
But for now, its just me, my blog :) so happy together :)
Ok really ...the brickbats that Ive had to endure for writing those four lines in the post below are truly astounding... and that too for obscure reasons such as what "everyone" will think...but you know what - I dont care what they think, or what you think too, for that matter.
So if you have any such problems, you are most welcome to lay off my blog !!!
UPDATE : Oh no no no, this wasnt meant for you, oh gentle reader. It was meant for certain nosey-parkers who read this and told my folks about it and tried to make me remove the post:). No wayyyyyy :)..freedom prevailsssssss:)
Just got back this evening from a field visit to Mysore - never thought I would, but I miss it. The best thing about visiting small towns for me is that it makes me feel really happy about life in general...like as if I ganied time, you know? And this time, I was really determined not to think and brood and reflect like I usually do during fieldwork.. So I had a really nice trip.
Fieldwork also makes you restless and want to DO stuff....It was in this enthusiasm that I decided to try on my new roller-skates today. I really don't know what it is with me & skates. For some reason, learning how to skate features quite high on my "To do before I die" list. I am pretty sure that if someone tells me that today was my last day on Earth, I would spend it roller-skating. I had got my new pair last week after a fair amount of hunting at sport shops. It was pretty embarrassing, I tell you because it seems like only kids do it now-a-days; I didnt know that. The shop keeper would ask benevolently how old the kid is, and my friend would gleefully point at me. The shop guy would then smirk and visibly refrain from commenting.. To top it off, my friend insisted that I buy the accompanying head gear and the elbow, wrist and knee protection with a patronizing "Women's bones are weak you know" and lines like "better be safe than be sorry" to the shop guy's knowing smiles...Anyways, I finally tried them on tonight...I should really post pictures, I looked like a clown, I am sure it would be a good laugh...I had to do it sneakily on my terrace and try not to fall flat on my face. My mom was most amused and my bro even held my hand and led me on, like how you teach kids to walk...Its going to take some doing to learn it I know, but I am drawn to it like crazy...Ive always dreamt of skating for miles preferably on a lonely road or hill, all alone...sigh !!! There really is something magical about solitude....
Speaking of solitude, I always had one companion whom I have dumped recently - coffee. Its always been some crazy twisted love-hate relationship I've had with coffee.. it made me feel happy and sad and ecstatic and helpless at the same time. I never had a time or place to drink it...I used to even punish myself by drinking coffee even when I didnt feel like it. It made me feel ugly, incompetent, out of control, hopeless..yet I would drink cups and cups of it...in fact I started drinking it when I was just a year old......never thought I could overcome it, and it always gave me lots of doubts about self-control....but suddenly, out of the blue, I have fallen out of love with it....and wouldnt drink it even if someone paid me....almost a feeling like breaking free from jail...I may sound a tad dramatic now, but it befits my infinite attempts at giving it up before - I would have these cycles of starting to give up and giving in...which meant countless struggles with surging hope and hopelessness....like a smoker trying to quit...
Oh God, did I just say struggle? And that too against coffee??? Take a look at this pic of this girl - I probably shouldn't put this up on a public forum, but she was one tenacious little thing, who kept coming up to us to ask for food, despite getting harshly scolded each time by the onlookers in the village. I couldnt bring myself to even watch her getting shouted at each time, and there was really nothing we could do...because irrespective of how much we gave her, she would come back after five minutes and beg for more...No matter how rude they were to her, or how roughly they brushed her off, no matter what they said to her, she persisted with her begging till she got what she wanted....now that is a better example of struggle.......
OBROUNI !!! - Wherever I go in Ghana, thats how people call me and how
they refer to me. It means “White Woman”. I’m not white by any standards, brown
maybe, but that doesnt matter because according to the people here - If you are
not black, you are white.
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