Ex-pectations!

I think ex-boyfriends/ girlfriends are the worst baggage you can carry. They're never quite out of your mind and you hate the fact that they even exist. I hear about people being good friends with their ex-es but its never happened for me. Sure, we are amicable and civil but theres something that just doesnt go away.

I debated about whether or not to write about this weird exchange of messages I recently had. So this guy and I used to go out around 4-5 years ago. Hes married to someone else now and we've hardly talked since. We were friends on Facebook but I noticed him adding and deleting me continuously. I would invite him/ receive an invite from him, just to get deleted the next day.

Finally I got sick of being jerked around and decided to tell him off. The conversation below gives the gist of our discussion, though I dont remember the exact words.

Me: Dude, am sick & tired of your adding and deleting my name from your friends list. I dont know why you keep doing it - lets just not remain friends on FB or anywhere else ok??? I wont invite u and u too dont - we've better things to do.

He: Mind your business.

Me: Yeah, you too. Duplitious Creep!

He: Excuse me? Duplitious, what are you then?

I didnt deign to reply.

He: Listen here, you invited me, so dont blame me for adding you. I deleted you. There ends the story!

Me: Congratulations! You managed to come up with a story that is even lamer than you are. Wasnt it you who invited me the last time with a dumb "Veeeeeeeeee"? Anyways, I am tired of your pathetic games, so stay out of my face. Goodbye!

He: Yeah, right...goodbye!

Well, the good thing is we wont talk again, ever!

Emotional Atyachar!

I always thought it was a dumb concept because it can never catch people who are emotionally infidel...and thats the dangerous one, not physical...So the program was never anything to write home about. But please watch this clip and then this clip. 

This one couple, for reasons I cant explain really made me sad - the girl, the guy...everything is as if its been lifted out of a nightmare...just the fact that she is unable to even confront her guy rattles my every bone...no woman should allow herself to become this...or guys for that matter....maybe nature should be be kind to them and weed them out by natural selection... because its really not worth what it does to you as a person...

On and me finally floated a totally anonymous blog on Wordpress - its a literal account of all my dreams as I remember them..and I intend to keep it updated...I wish I could link it here because the comments are really amusing...but sadly, I cant.

Aint made for each other anymore !!!

Is it me, or are the days painfully slow? Its funny because not only they seem to stretch forever but they also manage to make you feel that they are flying by and you have nothing to show for it....

I have NO idea what I should be doing  these days...whenever I look at the things  I want to do, they seem really frivolous and I cant help wondering if I am waaaaaay off the mark.... with the skating and the star-gazing and the guitar and the books and the volunteering and the field trips and list of places I want to see and the loooooong list of other stuff I intend to do...Should I simply chuck all this and buy a house and a car and think about getting married and "settle down"? Most of the world seems to think that it would be a more worthwhile use of my time and resources. My reply to them is better articulated by my blogger pal Vimal, in his  gentle and moderately-worded post here.

Ok, he was a bit harsh and I dont feel THAT strongly about it, but definitely along the same lines. I wish someone else could think for me. I wish I had a sounding board. I miss having someone to talk to...TALK to, not just talk to, if you know what I mean? Well, of course you dont. If you did, I wouldnt be complaining now, would I? Alright, I'm sorry...Its not just you, its me too. We just dont get each other anymore. Remember our recent conversations? Obviously  you dont. So let me remind you...

U: I bought a flat.

Me: Why? What'll you do with it?

U: What?

Me: Sorry, nothing...(with an insincere smile) Congrats!!!

U: My marriage got fixed.
Me: Oh no!!! Another one bites the dust...
U: What did you say?
Me: Sorry, nothing…(with an insincere smile) Congrats !!!

U (beaming): I got promoted.
Me: So what?
U:  Huh?
Me: Sorry, nothing…Congrats !!!
U: Lets go celebrate.
Me: Celebrate what?

Well, they were something like this anyway. Always are. See, it IS me, do you agree now? Maybe I should just retire from polite society. But you haven't been all that nice too. You don't get me either..Remember the marriage talk? Doesn't ring a bell? I'll remind you again.

U: When you getting married?
Me: I dont know. I am thinking if I should.
U: OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even naxalites marry, even Gandhi married. Its always better to marry.
(Oh no no no, dont look away , you know you said it)
Me (Wishing I could put an axe through your head): Never mind...

And yes, knowing you, you wont get me this time either, so I'll save us both time and  energy and clarify that when I say 'you', I dont mean YOU even if you said the above things. I am merely talking metaphorically, ok? Happy?????

We aint made for each other any more..

All for what?

I am depressed today, so oh faithful blog-reader, close this window right now if you dont want it to rub off on you....

Well, looks like you have chosen to read ahead, so I'll tell you how it started...

This morning, over coffee, while reading the newpapers' perspectives on Independence Day, I asked my friend what he thought were the three most pressing problems India faced today. To my surprise, it elicited this novel response.

1. There is no system to enable people to optimally use their diverse talent and skills.

2. Urban Planning is a concern - as people move away from villages to cities, there is congestion and overuse of resources.

3. There is too much Government intereference and monopoly in the public transport services.

Well, whatever else I woudve come up with if I were asked this question, it definitely would not have been the above.

When I voiced that corruption is a really big problem that has widely far-reaching impact, he said to read his first point again. If a person has enougth opportunity to do what he really loves and gets paid for it, it is improbable that he would be corrupt. When I said that there are too many conflicting and vested interests, he said that thats how a democracy works and only if your case is convincing, it should be allowed to take off. I then pointed out that its unlikely for that to happen given the corruption but that brought us back to his first point again. I then said that the so-called democracy seems to be backfiring with politicians only catering to please their vote banks and getting re-elected. Incredibly, this again went back to his first point meaning that most politicians werent in it to "serve the country", so thats why the conflict of interest.

So what IS the first point really? That everyone should ideally do what they love and the world will fall in place on its own?? If we extend the specifcs, it simply means if all are happy, things will be fine.

Now, I have always wondered what will happen if we take away poverty, hunger, global warming, financial recession, disease, terrorism, communalism....every damn problem that we have in the World today...what if we have a totally problem-free World, where all have enough to eat, a job they love, a roof over their heads, money in their pockets, are healthy, happy, secure, have the same faith etc....would we still have war? What would we fight for? Power over others? Why, of course. Let us assume that somehow, that too is given, that each feels they are the supreme power over others..now what? Would they now be happy? I somehow dont think so... Why? That will take away their reason to live each day, right? So if there is nothing left for you to achieve, then too you would be unhappy right?

There is enough literature, evidence and theory to prove the above to be true. To quote a very commonly used one, take the theory of marginal utility in economics which to put it simply, states that with more of something, the less you will value it.

So really what is the solution? Oops, there doesnt seem to be one... I somehow feel that mankind has probably worked all this out and chooses to be in a state of happiness-sorrow that has a short turnaround time (i.e., the status quo), which seems worth it even in face of the long stretches of happiness given that it is accompanied by stretches of meaninglessness. After all, there are many who have said that it is not desirable for the us to bridge the financial divide right? The consequences of that arent supposed to be desirable for mankind...So think what will happen if we bridge every divide?

As I once read in Calvin., which sums up the above perfectly with

"The torment of existence weighed against the horror of non-being"...

Dont blame me, I TOLD you I was depressed....

Creating life

Apologies to my friend KP, for posting this conversation without his permission.

KP: So dont you want to get married and have kids?

Me: Married maybe, if the right guy comes along, but kids, I really dunno.

KP: Why is that? Dont you want to leave behind your genes? And create something from your own flesh and blood? The biggest gift God has given to women...
Me: Umm, no, I dont think my genes are that great.
KP: Come on, tell me why...

Me: Well, I am scared of what I may be creating. We never know how long our journey of existence is. It may not be just this one universe (Well, actually I said this to spook him out )

KP (stunned): What??????????????

Me: What? Whats the prob with that?

KP: Are you mad?
Me: I dont think so, but why do you ask that?
KP: Are you crazy? Is this even a reason?
Me: It could be and this is one reason why adopting makes more sense...
KP: Man, this is one thing you are made a woman for...the ONE power women have that men dont have.
Me: So?
KP: Come on yaar, dont you want to hold a child in your arms? It will give you so much joy.
Me: I could still do that without having my own...
KP: No you cant.
Me: Alright, you seem to know better.
KP: Your own is your own...there is no other..
Me: Ouch...I beg to differ...then how do we justify marriage or even relationships?
KP: Marriages can split...
Me: So do children even if they are your own, except less public fuss and stigma about it....
KP: Dont you want your own family? Dont you want to be a parent?
Me: We can always adopt and still experience that cycle of life.
KP: You are mad...plain mad...
Me: ....
KP: Do you mean to say our parents dont care for us? That they created us without thinking all this?
Me: Umm....
KP: Of course they do
Me: I never said they don't. They care for us, sure, but how long CAN they? Only till we and they are on this earth na?
KP: Oh gawd...I cant believe this is even a reason.
Me: There is only one intelligent argument against this.
KP: What if the soul already exists on this earth and is not born when you create life? Or what if there is no soul at all?
Me: Thats the one....thats the only argument I can think of.
KP: So now its ok right?
Me: But we dont know for sure, and I dont feel like taking the chance.
KP: What is the most important responsibility of any species...
Me: To procreate and ensure its existence???
KP: So arent you shunning your responsibility?
Me: Well, I am not sure mankind will cease to exist if I dont have kids...
KP: What if all think like you?
Me: But they dont, and thats why I have this luxury :)
KP: Whatever...wait, I'll park my car and come...
Me: Ok (Staring at a baby shop near my office)
KP: Now now, this is contradictory behavior... (smiles from ear to ear)..
Me: Huh, I was passing time...lets get ice-cream...
KP: You will never change.....

I would like to say to all the readers of my blog who either happen to have kids or dont think this way, this is not meant to offend anyone or anything. To be honest, I was just pulling his leg that day. But yes, I want to post this conversation since Ive begun to think aloud on my blog....Personally, I dont think I am qualified to have an opinion on this issue either ways....

Sometimes, the conversation I have with myself goes like this:

Me: So what if we create the soul too when we create life? Let them experience whatever there is in store for them...after all man has to beget man...
Me: Yes but we might then be creating something that they have no control to end...and if we wont be there to care for them at all times then maybe we shouldnt...or maybe it doesnt matter what we do if theres no escaping it for them with or without us in the picture....
Me: Well, even taking the best case scenario of this being our only life, even then we should think before we make another spend 70 years on this earth....
Me: Do I really think life on earth is not worth living?
Me: No, not really, depends who I am and what I can give my kids....if kids have to fight for food and shelter, then maybe I shouldnt...as it is life is tough with huge upheavals without fight for survival....
Me: So do such people not deserve a family..
Me: Yes, but at what cost? and to whom?

I would really appreciate comments on this blogpost........