Hello again !

So its been more than a year since I last posted! I usually post only when I have something to say. The past year has been very eventful with a lot of changes. Among the HUGE changes are:

1. I quit my job, the job I simply LOVED :(
2. I got MARRIED  :)

3. I moved to Ghana

4. I FINALLY have dogs - Yes, 2 lovely dogs called Bruno & Cherry!

While writing this post, I felt like pouring out everything on my mind and all the things Ive been thinking over this year, but fortunately decided against it. Nope, they'll be told in separate well-put-together posts and not a jumble of confused emotions! :)

The window!

Couldnt help writing about this....So first my dad sends me and my sister the following email:

This is a beautiful presentation of India.  Pl go through.

And attached was a presentation that can be read at

shikshanaakash.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/india_2.pps

And then my sis replies to me (thankfully not to Dad)

The very first sentence "India has never known slavery" reveals how we selectively pick facts that support our view that India is the best.  Who does these stupid presentations? We need to stop praising our past and acknowledge our present problems!!!!!And any attempt to say this will immediately label you unpatriotic and a bad person. Sigh sigh SIGH

Ex-pectations!

I think ex-boyfriends/ girlfriends are the worst baggage you can carry. They're never quite out of your mind and you hate the fact that they even exist. I hear about people being good friends with their ex-es but its never happened for me. Sure, we are amicable and civil but theres something that just doesnt go away.

I debated about whether or not to write about this weird exchange of messages I recently had. So this guy and I used to go out around 4-5 years ago. Hes married to someone else now and we've hardly talked since. We were friends on Facebook but I noticed him adding and deleting me continuously. I would invite him/ receive an invite from him, just to get deleted the next day.

Finally I got sick of being jerked around and decided to tell him off. The conversation below gives the gist of our discussion, though I dont remember the exact words.

Me: Dude, am sick & tired of your adding and deleting my name from your friends list. I dont know why you keep doing it - lets just not remain friends on FB or anywhere else ok??? I wont invite u and u too dont - we've better things to do.

He: Mind your business.

Me: Yeah, you too. Duplitious Creep!

He: Excuse me? Duplitious, what are you then?

I didnt deign to reply.

He: Listen here, you invited me, so dont blame me for adding you. I deleted you. There ends the story!

Me: Congratulations! You managed to come up with a story that is even lamer than you are. Wasnt it you who invited me the last time with a dumb "Veeeeeeeeee"? Anyways, I am tired of your pathetic games, so stay out of my face. Goodbye!

He: Yeah, right...goodbye!

Well, the good thing is we wont talk again, ever!

What atleast really means!

A very good friend of mine recently got engaged to this girl he had been going out with for 2 years. I had never met her and so asked them out for lunch when they were in town last weekend. But my friend seemed reluctant to bring her, which I thought was strange. Anyhow, she finally ended up coming.

To my unpleasant surprise, throughout the meal she kept nagging, taunting and critising my poor friend who just couldnt get a break. I am really not exaggerating here - she was downright rude and a TOTAL shrew! She kept snapping at him, jeering at his every sentence and generally trivialising everything he said. My friend is this really nice guy - kind, timid and really quite harmless. So I didnt see why she had to be that way.

If they werent engaged, I would really have told her off, but I decided to swallow my anger. Also, it was none of my business - you can never tell what holds a couple togther and for all I knew, they could be really happy.

But I couldnt resist in asking - so when she went out to take a call, I cautiously asked - are you sure this is the right girl for you?

Pat came the reply - No.

Then why are you engaged?

Atleast I am getting some!

Perpetually bored!

My mom and I happened to be on the same flight to Chennai. It wasn't planned or anything - I was on work and she too had a meeting. Now its been a while since I left home so I havent been anywhere recently with my mom and it took a bit of getting used to. However, she started talking to the lady sitting next to her and I busied myself with my book. After we landed, she remarked that the lady seemed a lot more confident in Chennai than she was in Blore.

Mom: It must be bcos she's on home-turf.
Me: Uh-huh.
Mom: Isn't it interesting the way people behave in different places?
Me: I suppose.
Mom: Of course, you are the same everywhere.
Me: Yes?
Mom: Yes. Perpetually bored!

For, of and by the people?

On the eve of the Indian Independence anniversary, I would like to relate an appalling conversation I had yesterday with someone who is actually a good friend...lets call him UM by his initials...

UM: This NREGA program has to be stopped. Its just driving up the labor prices.
Me: What??? Maybe its a good thing that people have a choice now. Labour is so undervalued anyway.
UM: Excuse me?? Its like paying people to do nothing, theres very little tangible output!
Me: So??? Thousands of people in Govt departments do nothing...definitely dont produce "tangible output" but we pay them fat salaries...
UM: Thats no reason to defend a badly-designed program.
Me: Well, it provides employment, contains migration, increases the shockingly-low labour wages. Its a genuinely pro-poor intervention.
UM: But these people dont pick up any skills..
Me: They are doing unskilled work either ways..
UM: Tell me what is the use of this program. There is no construction of any public goods.
Me: Just like how a high-budget bridge that was never built tragically collapses due to rains and needs to be rebuilt?
UM: Oh come on. At the cost of 55000 crore rupees?
Me: Precisely..a fraction of our budget.
UM: Ok, we have slightly different views..
Me: Diametrically opposite you mean..

I got an sms today which said that we should be proud an Indian owns the East India Company now!!

To 63 glorious years of independence...we are so lucky we weren't born a century earlier!!

And thats how the cookie crumbles...

You are cutting corners..the usual...adding records to a DB manually rather than the oh-so-sophisticated front end...and after many hours into the night your sugar levels are dipping but you've done 2000 records...and then  for no reason, each subsequent record reminds you what you did....in the year 2001...in 2002.....ups and downs, in and outs and roundabouts...and 2008...2009...ouch!...you cant wait to get past it.all..and then its now 2010....you finally begin to breathe easy.....then you reach 2015...you're wondering where you will be...and soon it is 2030..it gets scary now...and finally 2050...where you actually begin to feel like crying....because you think of all those who wont be with you then..and suddenly you cant wait to get to 2075 and be done with the whole thing.....

I dont get paid enough to do this!!

For better or worse!

It all happened very quickly. The postwoman was getting a receipt signed on the road. A guy  sneaks up to her, snatches the gold necklace she was wearing and starts running away. Unfortunately for him, the woman's husband is waiting for her on his bike. He chases the guy and catches him.

The thief gets beaten by almost everyone on the road..the postwoman takes a crowbar lying around and  starts hitting him like there is no tomorrow...the guy is not able to even beg her to stop...he gets beaten just short of death...

A month ago, I wouldve been shocked at the beating he got...but once you know how it feels to get robbed, its not quite the same....Its pretty much what I would do if I ever meet that lady....

The pot hole!

You know theres something wrong if get a call from home at 12 am in the night.

Please, please let it not be Grandpa...
It cant be grandma can it???
Ummm....what else can go wrong? I hope everything is alright...could it be a fire? or an accident?? or maybe its just good news....
But please please, let nothing happen to Grandpa...

Hello??.. You say tentatively into the phone, fearing the worst... 

Your brother had an accident on his bike. He crashed into a man-hole and broke his ribs.

Well, that was actually tactful given my dad's usual standards... 

Is he ok? Where is he? Is he alive???? 

It seems he is out of danger.... 

What do you mean it seems??????? 

No theres no danger but the pain is excruciating..

I can imagine...well, sort of!! I cant really imagine how it must hurt especially when you breathe each time:( I am sorry dumma, I wish I could take away your pain...

Thank God, you are safe!!

One moment in time

The news is all I can think about!

A person named Umar Farooq actually jumped out of the aircraft which was on fire! Can you jump even out of a moving car if you are not guaranteed a safe landing? He is certainly a hero!

How big a gamble do you think it wouldve seemed to him at that instant? The ability to throw caution to the winds, especially when it is not tested in the course of our daily life is certainly not innate in all of us. There are those who just wait for the worst and those who take ownership for what happens to them and make an endeavour to save themselves. 

That said, imagine the impact of such moments on people's minds. That throughout their lives they'll relive those moments, either thanking their goddamn stars for their flash of inspiration or breaking out into cold sweat at the thought of what if!

So many of us are fortunate to go through life without having to make such heavy choices when there are just microseconds between life and death. Can you even bring yourself to scream for help when in fear? I cant. I actually carry a whistle because my voice fails me!

 

Some say if God brings you to it, he brings you through it! I am not sure if thats true, but I really hope it is.

Would it bother you if your ex was getting married?

For some reason, many people have asked me this over the last few weeks..It depends majorly on who the person is and what you shared with them..And quite suddenly, he called to invite me to his wedding today. I am happy for him but at the same time, I dont want to attend the wedding. It would be awkward.

There are two kinds of exs- the we didnt work out but lets be friends kind and the we didnt work out so its too painful to see you exist kind...see THATS what the answer depends on :)

And only the first kind would invite you anyway...

Third Wheel

It is really saddening to see posts after posts where someone is desparately trying to move on. I wish I could link to her blog here to show you but I cant. Though I barely know her, I check on her everyday to see if she is ok, and mostly she is not...Since theres nothing anyone can do, we've all taken to leaving really nasty comments on the guy's blog..

But theres this one thing he wrote which got me thinking.

Relationship is not a business deal. Its not about what it right or good for you...Its about what makes you happy, where your heart is...

How true! Wish all parents would get this...

Man in the mirror

I really dont want to say it - but I think I am falling out of love with villages and more so, the people. See, Ive always loved field travel. Not just because its my work or because the countryside is pretty, but also because it puts things in perspective and gives me a sense of purpose. It was the one thing in my life which was steady.

Yesterday I had gone to this place called Arupukottai in Tamil Nadu - I dunno if we can find it on a map..it seemed like a hell-hole in the middle of nowhere...and for the first time ever, I felt claustrophobic.. the atmosphere was too suffocating...and I wanted to just run away from there...why?..because the people there thrived in their poverty...they were perfectly happy with living in penury....I know its a pretty harsh thing to say, but thats what it was...

They were content with working for nothing, they just shrugged and put it down to misfortune when their people died of diseases...they  were perfectly ok with the lack of amenities...spent most of their lives caste-politicking and street-fighting...and generally didnt even bother to dream of a better life...

This raises two important questions:

1. Who are we to decide what is good or bad for them? What makes us think that our lifestyle is superior? They may be happier than us, for all we know.. Why are we so hell-bent on bringing them into the "mainstream"? What gives us the right anyway, just because we have the money?

2. Arent we all like that, albeit in bigger things? For example, havent we accepted that we have to give bribes everywhere to get work done? Dont we pay fine to the traffic cop for no fault of ours? These are the things we've learnt to live with, just like them..

Lets now reverse the roles...(oh yes, we live on the "other side" most of our lives...didnt you know????)

We are all sentimental beings, are we not? Sentiments mean a lot to us, usually more than money...we see hundreds of examples of it around the world everyday...for instance, how else do we explain the most expensive naming rights of the world's tallest building being given in lieu of debt bailout???? That something symbolic is worth more than something concrete?? Seriously, how does it matter who names it what...why give a damn???? But we do!! Then arent we the same people who register absolutely no sentiment when we see that careers of  millions of people are ostensibly dedicated to making our lives better? Seriously, HOW can we sleep knowing that we are subjects of research and projects and patronages, that we are specimens, that someone in intently observing us, someone who thinks our life should be better and makes decisions to that effect? That our life is reduced to numbers and statistics and someone takes the liberty to actually  think for us??? Why have we never questioned this intrusion? Why have we never asked them what right they have?? The icing on the cake is that when we (or should I say we the people) are seen to be making mileage out of this or taking advantage of their "noble" intentions, they crib...yes, they the patrons of mankind get disillusioned and decide we dont deserve to be helped...now we dont remember asking them for help, do we?

And this goes for all of us, we are on both sides, think about it......the only difference is that we probably dont realise it when we are the subjects ...but people in the field, they do, its in their damn face and they dont care...but for all else, the oceans of sentiments come pouring in....sheesh !!! 

 Really want to write more, but whats the point??? 

Inside out

There is this maid in the neighborhood who once spooked the living daylights out of me when she pinned another woman to the ground and stamped on her repeatedly, mouthing unprintable abuses, all in the middle of the road. See this video I took, though not much can be seen because it was very late in the evening.

It was only a petty quarrel but the things this lady said to the other woman is worse than I can ever imagine, worse than anything I ever heard or read - even if all of us put our heads together for a year, I doubt if we could come up with anything close. Only a diseased mind could say such things.

To me, this lady represented many things - the bitterness and hatred that comes with poverty, the petty mind which cannot think beyond the nuances of street politics and the tough survival instincts that are developed by facing hardships...it was sad and scary at the same time. But I could never forget her cruel behaviour...

The other day I happened to catch her eye though usually I look away...and for some reason she smiled at me...it was quite genuine, and on an impulse I gave her a flower which I happened to have. You should have seen her face light up, I tell you...and after seeing that smile, I suddenly feel hopeful...in general...u know?

Someone had this on their gtalk status a while ago - Too often we underestimate the power of a touch....a smile....a kind word....a listening ear....an honest compliment....or the smallest act of caring....all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

Its so true!

Journal - A double-edged sword

I maintain a pretty elaborate journal. A journal is considered good because you can walk down the memory lane anytime you want, see how you have grown, have a record of the life you lived and all that right???

But I realized yesterday that it also makes me hold on to grudges. It never lets me forget even the smallest of things. All I have to do is to re-read it and everything comes back and my actions get influenced by them !! This cant be good no?

When I was younger, I used to be one of those with short memories. Unless it was very intense, I never bothered to remember anything. And that is bad too, it is really bad. I would make the same mistakes again and again, allow the same people again and again...Now theres absolutely no chance of that...

But how does one find a balance between these two??

Its Me-time!

For blogger-beginners, its always the season for tags :) Ive been tagged by a friend to write down 7 things about me which would make things easier for those around and 7 things that others are not likely to know easily..I wonder why seven..

Anyways, heres the list I came up with and I had fun writing it :) 

1. Dull and faded colors depress me, they really do.

2. Its very easy to change my perspective, call it being fickle or being open

3. I find it very difficult to fight with strangers as opposed to people I know.

4. I really think that familiarity beyond a point is bad.
5. Petty people really scare me. This doesn’t mean I can’t be petty. I often am.
6. I say please and sorry in almost every sentence, even if I dont mean it.
7. I always heart its never too late. I hate its never too early.
8. If you hear some of the dreams I get, you'd think I shouldnt be allowed :)
9. My interests are often short-lived. I prefer one of everything to everything of one. .
10. I can let it slide if you are mean to me, but dont try that with my family. 
11. I can never cut my hair short.
12. I can be stubborn but as easily be a push-over.  
13. I find it very difficult to adjust with people who are slow.
14. I prefer men to women in a boss.

Now, the rule says Ive to pass on this tag to two other bloggers.....so I choose Roy and Jha :)

Types of poverty

I didnt know I was poor. Well, spiritually poor! You may be economically rich but your maid is socially richer because she has more friends and more goodwill.  Lack of fitness is physically poor.

And theres intellectually poor, emotionally poor, etc..Dont have a strong mind? Mentally poor, arent you? :) But the best Ive heard is if you are artificial, you are naturally poor.. :)

On a more serious note, I guess all of us are poor in one way or the other and thereby there is an equality of sorts prevailing....

Should be interesting to see what happens if these ideas become mainstream and translate into real gains. This kind of a leveler will  definitely lead to some well-deserving inverted-snobbery :)

Too bad we cant derive much mileage out of these though. Not yet, anyway...Whatever!!

Sweet Nothings!

Sometimes you feel there like you can never be happy the way you were...it happens...though I am not sure if to everyone...and the small hopes that surface once in a while get squashed quickly....I really dont know how to combat this...because even while doing the happiest of things, there is this cloud of sadness...

The only thing I can think of is to not let it stop you from doing the things you love...the small things that  once gave you joy...even if they dont anymore, and hope for the best....

Ive been living  this thought all week and I went ahead and did these things in spite of how I felt...

* I had ragi and sugarcane juice from a mobile food van for fifteen rupees..
* I made maggi with cheese and ate it over coffee and stories with my favorite aunt...

* Bought myself a whole lot of colored glass bangles from a pushcart vendor.

* Laughed to Calvin & Hobbes with a friend, eating mangoes with salt.

* Played cricket with kids on the road..

* Went for lovely Italian dinner with three of my friends and had loadsa cheese and wine and took lots of pics..

* Ate oranges in the sun while watching the traffic from the terrace, all by myself....

* Got drenched in the rain

* Went out for ice-cream with cousins

* Slept under the stars after a long time...

And I feel a lot lot better!

Tell it like it is

Make believe you're brave and the trick will take you far...
You may be as brave as you make believe you are...

These lines from the King & I sure have replaced counting sheep these days.....

All that you have is your soul

Maybe everyone has got it wrong. I think we as humans sold ourselves real short by settling  down with sound as the prime means of communication, its so shaky and fickle, untenable and vanishes into air without a record or a mark...ummm...an intentional loophole in the so-called design????  if hedges and walls could talk, it'll be a dark day...

And why didnt we evolve so that our minds and hearts could speak on their own???? There must be a reason...imagine if you cant control what you communicate :P wow !!!

Wish there was not a vanity gene...Wish there was not a cover...Wish what we reap is what we sow...Wish man could start over...