Can there be only sunshine?

Just got back this evening from a field visit to Mysore - never thought I would, but I miss it. The best thing about visiting small towns for me is that it makes me feel really happy about life in general...like as if I ganied time, you know? And this time, I was really determined not to think and brood and reflect like I usually do during fieldwork.. So I had a really nice trip.

Fieldwork also makes you restless and want to DO stuff....It was in this enthusiasm that I decided to try on my new roller-skates today.  I really don't know what it is with me & skates. For some reason, learning how to skate features quite high on my "To do before I die" list. I am pretty sure that if someone tells me that today was my last day on Earth, I would spend it roller-skating. I had got my new pair last week after a fair amount of hunting at sport shops. It was pretty embarrassing, I tell you because it seems like only kids do it now-a-days; I didnt know that. The shop keeper would ask benevolently how old the kid is, and my friend would gleefully point at me. The shop guy would then smirk and visibly refrain from commenting.. To top it off, my friend insisted that I buy the accompanying head gear and the elbow, wrist and knee protection with a patronizing "Women's bones are weak you know" and  lines like "better be safe than be sorry" to the shop guy's knowing smiles...Anyways, I finally tried them on tonight...I should really post pictures, I looked like a clown, I am sure it would be a good laugh...I had to do it sneakily on my terrace and try not to fall flat on my face. My mom was most amused and my bro even held my hand and led me on, like how you teach kids to walk...Its going to take some doing to learn it I know, but I am drawn to it like crazy...Ive always dreamt of skating for miles preferably on a lonely road or hill, all alone...sigh !!! There really is something magical about solitude....

Speaking of solitude, I always had one companion whom I have dumped recently - coffee. Its always been some crazy twisted love-hate relationship I've had with coffee.. it made me feel happy and sad and ecstatic and helpless at the same time. I never had a time or place to drink it...I used to even punish myself by drinking coffee even when I didnt feel like it.  It made me feel ugly, incompetent, out of control, hopeless..yet I would drink cups and cups of it...in fact I started drinking it when I was just a year old......never thought I could overcome it, and it always gave me lots of doubts about self-control....but suddenly, out of the blue, I have fallen out of love with it....and wouldnt drink it even if someone paid me....almost a feeling like breaking free from jail...I may sound a tad dramatic now, but it befits my infinite attempts at giving it up before - I would have these cycles of starting to give up and giving in...which meant countless struggles with  surging  hope and hopelessness....like a smoker trying to quit...

Oh God, did I just say struggle? And that too against coffee??? Take a look at this pic of this girl - I probably shouldn't put this up on a public forum, but she was one tenacious little thing, who kept coming up to us to ask for food, despite getting harshly scolded each time by the onlookers in the village.  I couldnt bring myself to even watch her getting shouted at each time, and there was really nothing we could do...because irrespective of how much we gave her, she would come back after five minutes and beg for more...No matter how rude they were to her, or how roughly they brushed her off, no matter what they said to her, she persisted with her begging till she got what she wanted....now that is a better example of struggle.......